Day 503 - Faithful Doubt

A sermon given at Graystone Presbyterian Church, Knoxville, TN April 27, 2014

OT reading: Acts2:14-41

NT Reading: John 20:19-31

Why on earth would I chose a sermon title like “Faithful Doubt?” It at sounds contradictory, but note that I did not title it “Doubtful Faith.”

Our protestant minds are so indoctrinated by the principle that faith alone leads us to God; that many of us, even the most devote person is hesitant to admit harboring some doubt about the expectations of our duty by Jesus whose death and resurrection we honored last week. We feel we have to keep this united front of solid undeniable faith; (and I know some people who have a clear and impressive faith and entertain little or no doubt) yet… everything Jesus said to us through the Gospels in one way or another deals with our human willingness to doubt that this amazing story of Jesus is true. We read the famous example of doubting Thomas today. We know even the disciples who witnessed the signs of Divine Power doubted. For that reason, if no other, we have to take solace in writers like James and Paul, who tell us we should let even our imperfect faith lead us to Christian action knowing the experience of Christian action inspires and strengthens our faith.

These passages from the Acts and the Gospel of John are packed with important messages and I could talk about it for some time. For example, Peter quotes one of my favorite OT passage from Joel in Acts 2:17-18, “In the last days it will be, God declares, that I will pour out my Spirit upon all flesh, and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams. ¹Even upon my servants, both men and women, in those days I will pour out my Spirit; and they shall prophesy.” It gives special meaning to the story about the Holy Spirit I am about to tell you.

Another example:  did you notice in the John passage that Jesus twice greeted the disciples and others by the words, “Peace to you?” Jesus connects us to the old story of Gideon and the captivity of Israel by the Midian in Judges 6:11-24. The Lord first appeared to Gideon announcing his presence, “The Lord is with you, you mighty warrior.” That is the same way he called Job in Job 38:3 “Gird up you loins like a mighty man ready to do battle.”  (The NRSV uses "man" but the Hebrew word really carries the sense of "mighty man.") Gideon doubted this strange figure was the Angel of the Lord, “If you are the Lord, why has all this captivity happened to us?” Gideon only received as command as a reply, “Go and deliver Israel.” Doubtful Gideon is still suspicious of what he is seeing and demanded, “Show me a sign that it is you.” The sign was delivered and Gideon realizing he has looked on the face of the Angel of the Lord (euphemism for the Lord) fell to the ground expecting death. In the face of his doubt and now fear of death what did Gideon hear from the Lord? “Peace to you, you shall not die.” And what did Gideon do? He obeyed the Lord and defeated the Midianites.

We could take apart the controversial verse John 20:23, “If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained.” Does it mean pastors are to decide who is forgiven and who is not, or does it mean if you do not forgive a sin you carry the burden of that sin with you?

There are more themes but I want to concentrate on Jesus’ greeting, “Peace to you” and Thomas’ doubt that truly he was in the presence of Jesus Christ. This story of doubt goes to the heart of the whole ministry and interaction of Jesus with his disciples and the world that it bears special consideration.

Think about doubt. In Mark 9:14-29, following the transfiguration before his arrest, the father of an epileptic son causes a commotion asking the disciples to heal his son but they could not do it. Jesus said to everyone, and pointedly to his disciples, “You faithless generation, how much longer must I be among you?” The father replied, “If you are able, please heal my son.” Jesus exclaimed in consternation, “If you are able! All things can be done for the one who believes.” And immediately the father cried out, “I believe; help my unbelief!” Jesus healed his son.

Or we could consider Luke 8:10-25. Jesus has just explained to the disciples his reason for parables and what they mean. He also literally explained to them the “secrets of the Kingdom of God.” Then only a few hours later, while he is asleep in the boat on the Sea of Galilee, a storm blew upon them striking the disciples with the fear of death. They waken and chastise Jesus who then calmed the wind and sea with a simple command. Jesus addressed the disciples, “Where is your faith?” The disciples then asked each other, “Who is this, that he commands even the winds and the water, and they obey him?” “Who is he?” indeed, asked right after Jesus had explained to them the secrets of the Kingdom of God. That doubt will not go away.

Or consider what may be the parallel story in Matthew14:13-32. After he had fed the 5,000 he ordered the disciples to get in the boat and sail to the other side of Sea of Galilee and the storm blew up. They saw Jesus walking on the water towards them. They were terrified but Jesus said, “Do not be afraid, it is I.” (Or he could have said, “Peace to you”).  Peter said if it is you, command me to walk to you on the water.” You know the rest, Peter was ok on the water until he realized what he was doing and started sinking. Jesus grabbed him by the arm and said, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” Then and only then they all believed and worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

Every one of these stories, from Gideon to Thomas has a common thread. Doubt follows us. It does not go away. No matter how earnestly most of us insist our faith is strong, doubt is built into us, often even seeing isn’t enough for believing. The seed of faith always seems to fall on hard ground. God has every reason to give up on us, but he does not. How do we find faithful doubt and not doubtful faith?

There is an unstated message in these passages. I am going to take the time to tell you a little about me to describe that unstated message. I’m going to do it because I have this idea about “testimony.” My very evangelical preacher-friends make a really big thing of testimony, using it to describe their faith that they may understand and believe it, some times sprinkling in a little fire and brimstone.  But I think that kind of testimony is not always so effective. At its most basic point, testimony is words, or action, that reveal one’s story of the experience of faith. And testimony is all we have besides the Holy Spirit.

And so here is a little testimony about my story of faithful doubt.

I have been unbelievably blessed with unmerited gifts far beyond any justifiable part of my person. I had wonderful parents who raised me in a family of Christian faith attending a little Baptist church in Rome, GA. I was blessed to attend a very good high school, to have an unquenchable interest in science and to find myself walking away from Georgia Tech with a PhD in Chemical Engineering to a highly successful professional life. Work was for the most part wasn’t work - it was more like being a child playing in a sand box every day. I have had professional honors and awards bestowed on me, have respect of my peers, two wonderful sons, a stepson and child and my wonderful wife, Terry.

Through most of that time and blessings, I was a hot-headed youth who at every turn saw hypocrisy and injustice around me and got really doubtful, and angry with the Lord. I wandered off in a snit into a self-righteous hermitage for perhaps 10 or 12 years.

But the Lord really never left me. One Sunday sitting on the porch of my home in New Kensington, PA, I noticed across the street from people entering an old unused United Presbyterian Church. It was a rebirth of a small congregation and soon I was drawn into it for reasons beyond me at the time. Over the last 36 years, I never left the church again and have been an ordained elder almost that whole time. The unrecognized blessings have kept coming in the friendship of some really meaningful pastors, who always asked me, “Henry have you ever thought about going to Seminary?” I always dismissed that idea because I had a good life, a good job and I worked already in the church with both my money and my hands.

But one day a terrible storm blew into my life. Her name was Katrina. When she hit the Gulf Coast, as a scientist I was amazed at her power and was truly stunned by the havoc she caused. For some reason, I remained aware but shall I say, disinterested. My pastor, JoeB Martin, III however, saw it differently. In the first few days he drove down to help. He came back with photographs and stories that validated what I saw on the TV but somehow it did not bring home the reality of it. Was I confident other folks would help, doubtful I could make a difference, or just didn’t understand human misery? After all, I had never experienced such a disaster.

My disinterested perspective lasted for almost a year but talk about the damage never stopped. Finally one day I said, “I am going to see for myself how bad it is.” Folks from Fountain City Presbyterian Church were making as many as four work trips per year.  The Presbytery gave me a contact person and I called them arranging to meet in a little bailiwick called Pearlington, MS at the mouth of the Pearl River  - right at ground zero where Katrina came ashore.

My visit devastated me and brought me to my knees. I saw such human suffering and an unbelievable faith of the people in God and the conviction that they were going to crawl right out of this mess. Katrina respected no one. Whether one had a nice home or hovel, great lives and good jobs and family or only troubles, in the space of 8 hours they lost everything, even the sounds of birds and wildlife. The mutual woes leveled racial differences. I heard one African-American say Katrina did more for racial relations in Mississippi than all the Civil Rights laws. It is almost impossible to describe how bad it was, and is today after all the relief organizations have left. We left behind the people who lost the most, they still suffer physically, spiritually and economically.

I realized on the last day of my first trip that my life would not be the same. But I was fearful of what I was going to do. Arriving back in Chattanooga it was clear that I needed to be back in Mississippi. After getting a job as Construction Manager of Gulf Coast with Presbyterian Disaster Assistance I told the owner of the company where I was vice President of Research and Development my plans as I handed him my letter of resignation.

I walked away from a nice income and wonderful personal life right into the peace of the Lord. Within six months I had applied and was accepted to seminary and here I am. I was supply pastor for 14 months at First PC SD and am director of Urban Outreach Ministry in downtown Chattanooga, working with the tired, the hungry, the poor and imprisoned, trying to make a difference.

What I learned about faithful doubt in all this is that doubt and the fear it inspires is real, no matter how sanctified and penitent you think you are. Doubt and fear can drag you down as Gideon, Peter and Thomas know. Doubt makes us comfortable with our life and insensitive to the pain of the world around us, and to Jesus’ call to our vocation, “Feed my sheep.” That is what the storm called Katrina blew in off the sea and landed me here before you today. Thank the Lord he never gave up on my faith.

It was a powerful lesson about doubt. I feel so badly about waiting for a year to act because I doubted what my eyes and ears told me. I did something that even today I cannot explain except by the grace of God. As John Ortberg says, I got out of the boat and am trying my best to walk on the water in faith. I stumble. Every day I voice the father’s exclamation, “I believe, help my unbelief.” Every day I think about Mark’s abrupt ending of the Gospel story with the women petrified and amazed by the presence of the Lord who told them to go tell the others Jesus will see them in Galilee. Mark said they ran away and told no one, but you know the women found the strength to testify to what they had seen, or we wouldn’t be here today. The cure for doubtful faith is action led by faithful doubt. Faith is taking on the obligation of church to walk in the world as the body of Christ. You will never understand you are in the presence of the Lord until you feel the Holy Spirit empowering you to do something you feared and doubted you could do. As the Lord told Gideon, “Peace to you, you will not die.” Now let us go defeat the Midianites. Peace to you and AMEN