Day 2 - Everything I learned, I learned before I was five

(This is actually the post for Tuesday Dec. 11, but I was distracted and saved, not posted yesterday.)

Have you ever thought about your "social language?" Social language is what you learn before you are 5. In fact, were I to ask you to tell me when you learned the method you deal with people, you likely would not be able to offer a good answer. You learn it before you are even aware of "being taught."

Let's consider an example.

You are in the office at your desk and the boss calls you to his office. He begins by lighting into you about some action you did that he/she feels was a mistake. You hear it all, outrageous allegations that raise the hackles on your back, but you reply, "I understand your point, but I'm not too sure you have all the information. Can I collect some data and get back to you?"

Or, you respond, "That is so much crap! I kill myself to make this company work and here you come to me and give me crap without ever thinking the guy who gave you that information is out to get me. Man, this is so over the top, you see what I do, don't give me any more of this, or I'm out of here!"

If you were raised in a nice, middle class or wealthy family, you might well have learned that a little dose of restraint backed up by facts illustrated in the first response is the best way to resolve a conflict between what one person says and another claims. You might even decide to start looking for a better job to take in due time.

If you grew up on the street, you might well realize that any challenge to your standing carries a threat to your well being, especially if you project weakness. You learned before you understood it, that the appropriate  response to an in-you-face attack is aggression.

Unfortunately direct aggression that may preserve your life on the street may in the work place lead to loss of your job and re-entry into the slide to despair and alienation. To learn controlled assertiveness may well make you the boss some day.

This is the nature of our learned social language. To move from one economic/social status to a "higher" one  and comfortably live in it it requires learning and using a new language.