Day 794 - Understanding Poverty for Urban Ministry, Part 3

The first two posts (Parts 1 & 2) show that poverty is a complicated affair that is shaped by experience and education. It also acknowledged that two of the most valuable factors that motivate moving out of of poverty are (1) a recognition one's current condition is intolerable for survival, and (2) having positive relationships, i.e., role models. We also find that we all have a world view that is peculiar to our social station and economic status. This Part 3 explores these issues in more detail leading to the point that a person who desires to help others climb out of poverty must fully immerse oneself in the task of helping. When you do this, your life will change. You will no longer see the world the way you did before you took the leap of faith and built a solid positive relationship with someone who cries for help to change their life.

Role Models – Relationship system and dysfunction
These two phenomena, a system and dysfunction, will be very important to everything we do. We will consider a system as a group of individuals that have roles, rules, and relationships.  A person is dysfunctional to the extent the person cannot get one’s needs met within a system.

None of us ever achieve all our needs, so to some degree we all exhibit some dysfunction. In fact in every system, there is a range of function and dysfunction. We can say that the extent to which a person must give up meeting one’s own needs in order to satisfy those of another is the measure of dysfunction in the relationship.  One could conclude the presence of poverty in a wealthy society means that wealthy society has disfunction.

In every group, relationships are dependent, independent or interdependent. The fully functioning adult is interdependent, that is, the person relies on relationships across the social group, yet is not defined by them. Interdependency means that persons can work together as equals to achieve personal and group goals.

Codependency

It is important to understand the concept of co-dependency. Co-dependency is the state in which a person swings from being fully independent of a relationship to being dependent on it. The relationship becomes distorted, swinging between cognitive states of independency so fierce or intense to protect emotional resources and dependency that it is cripples the person by sapping all emotional resources. A classic example is the loving spouse of an alcoholic. Co-dependency can be a powerful negative force in impoverished persons.

The opportunity for role models
Being a role model is one of the most important ideas you can get from this paper - if you want to help as an advocate.  Role models defuse co-dependency and role models enhance interdependency. This means that as one matures in order to move from a situation of codependency that binds one to poverty, one must trade some of the relationships that are detrimental, at least for a while if not permanently, until a stable state is reached. 

What are the needs to do this besides the availability of emotional resources of an advocate? They are stamina and emotional resources. Because our emotional memory bank tells us those older negative relationships habitually give us a “right feeling” they must be put in abeyance until we find a new “right feeling.” This is a hard and slow change that frustrates the advocate and the person.

This change may take days or years. The key is there must be a driving force that sustains stamina to suspend the old “right feelings” until the new ones take root. This is why change requires the four motivators listed earlier: the current condition is too painful to stay, there is a compelling vision or goal for change, there is a talent or skill that takes the person to a new environment, and there is a spouse or mentor/advocate who can provide emotional comfort while the other person struggles to learn new skills and knowledge.

An Exercise – Can you survive in poverty, middle class or in wealth?
Take a sheet of paper and divide it into three columns, one headed “poverty,” one headed “middle class” and one headed “wealthy.” Working with Table 1 separate each entry of Table 1 into the column of the three that you feel has the appropriate header. (Hint: There are 18 items that characterize poverty, 14 that characterize middle class, and 14 that characterize the wealthy).  After you are done, you can examine Table 2 to see how well you did. (This table is discussed on pp. 37-41 of Payne’s book.)

Table 1. Can You Survive?
      I support or buy the work of a particular artist.

           I know what to do when I do not have money to pay bills.

I can entertain friends with my stories and personality.

I know how to order in a nice restaurant.

I fly my own plane or use the company plane.

I know which stores are more likely to carry the clothing brands my family wears.

I know how to use a credit card, checking account, savings account and understand annuities, life, disability and 20/80 medical, house, flood and replacement insurance policies.

I know how to live without a checking account.

I know how to get someone out of jail.

I repair items in my house immediately when they break - or know a repair service and call them.

I know what problems to look for in a used car.

My children know the best name brands of clothing.

I can get by without a car.

I know how to enroll my children in the preferred private schools.

I can read a menu in French, English and another language.

I know how to keep my clothes from being stolen at the Laundromat.

I know how to decorate the house for different holidays.

I know how to help my children with homework and do not hesitate to call the school if I need more information.

I know how to get the best interest rate on my new car.

I know which rummage sales have "bag sales" and when.

I talk to my children about college.

I know who my preferred financial advisor, legal service, designer, domestic employment service and hairdresser are.

I know how to ensure confidentiality and loyalty from my domestic staff.

I know how to live without electricity and a phone.

I am on the boards of at least two charities.

I know how to move in half a day.

I know how to read a corporate financial statement and analyze my own financial statements.

I have several favorite restaurants in different countries of the world.

I know how to get a library card.

I have at least two residences that are staffed and maintained.

I have at least two or three "screens" that keep people away from me whom I do not wish to see.

I know which grocery stores' garbage binds can be accessed for throw-away food.

I know which churches and parts of town have the best rummage sales.

I know how to use a knife as scissors.

I know how to get and use food stamps or an electronic card for benefits.

I know how to host parties that "key" people attend.

I know how to set a table properly.

I know where the free medical clinics are.

I know how to fight and defend myself physically.

During the holidays I know how to hire a private decorator to identify the appropriate themes and items with which to decorate the house.

I know how to use most of the tools in the garage.

I am very good at bartering and trading.

I know the hidden rules of the Junior League.

I know how to get my children into little league, piano lessons, soccer, etc.

I know how to get a gun, even if I have a police record.

I understand the difference in principal, interest and escrow statements on my house payment.

Table 2. Answers for Table 1.

Poverty	Middle-class	Wealthy
1. I know which churches and parts of town have the best rummage sales. 2. I know which rummage sales have "bag sales" and when. 3. I know which grocery stores' garbage binds can be accessed for throw-away food. 4. I know how to get someone out of jail. 5. I know how to  fight and defend myself physically. 6. I know how to get a gun, even if I have a police record. 7. I know how to keep my clothes from being stolen at the Laundromat. 8. I know what problems to look for in a used car. 9. I know how to live without a checking account. 10. I know how to live without electricity and a phone. 11. I know how to use a knife as scissors. 12. I can entertain friends with my stories and personality. 13. I know what to do when I do not have money to pay bills. 14. I know how to move in half a day. 15. I know how to get and use food stamps or an electronic card for benefits. 16. I know where the free medical clinics are. 17. I am very good at bartering and trading. 18. I can get by without a car.	1. I know how to get my children into little league, piano lessons, soccer, etc. 2. I know how to set a table properly. 3. I know which stores are more likely to carry the clothing brands my family wears. 4. My children know the best name brands of clothing. 5. I know how to order in a nice restaurant. 6. I know how to use a credit card, checking and savings account and understand annuities, life, disability and 20/80 medical, house, floor and replacement insurance policies. 7. I talk to my children about college. 8. I know how to get the best interest rate on my new car. 9. I understand the difference in principal, interest and escrow statements on my house payment. 10. I know how to help my children with homework and do not hesitate to call the school if I need more information. 11. I know how to decorate the house for different holidays. 12. I know how to get a library card. 13. I know how to use most of the tools in the garage. 14. I repair items in my house immediately when they break - or know a repair service and call them.	1. I can read a menu in French, English and another language. 2. I have several favorite restaurants in different countries of the world. 3. During the holidays I know how to hire a private decorator to identify the appropriate themes and items with which to decorate the house. 4. I know who my preferred financial advisor, legal service, designer, domestic employment service and hairdresser are. 5. I have at least two residences that are staffed and maintained. 6. I know how to ensure confidentiality and loyalty from my domestic staff. 7. I have at least two or three "screens" that keep people away from me whom I do not wish to see. 8. I fly my own or use the company plane. 9. I know how to enroll my children in the preferred private schools. 10. I know how to host parties that "key" people attend. 11. I am on the boards of at least two charities. 12. I know the hidden rules of the Junior League. 13. I support or buy the work of a particular artist. 14. I know how to read a corporate financial statement and analyze my own financial statements.

More on hidden rules
In the Table 3 I have recreated Ruby Payne’s summary of some hidden rules of social class. You may not like words like "social class" but people are situated and emotionally and intellectually conditioned according to their experience and status.

Where do you situate yourself? Can you see that your actions in response to the conditions of your life may be radically different than those of the people we are going to work with?  Can you appreciate that the way you look and act in the world is a response conditioned by your life-experience?

Furthermore, can you work with people who are situated differently, understanding that we cannot put a “value judgment” on their vision of reality. To act differently, that is to change, we must recognize and intentionally adopt new rules. We must fully appreciate how a person, even ourself, sees the world in our spiritual walk with them in a relationship to give them unequivocal emotional support as they struggle to deal with changing relationships and old ways moving to a new life.

Table 3. The hidden rules among classes.

Subject	Poverty	Middle Class	Wealthy
Possessions	People.	Things.	One of a kind objects, legacies, pedigrees.
Money	To be used, spent.	To be managed.	To be conserved, invested.
Personality	For entertainment, sense of humor highly valued.	For acquisition and stability, achievement is highly valued.	For connections. Financial, political and social connections are highly valued.
Social Emphasis	Emphasis is on social inclusion of people one likes.	Emphasis is on self-governance and sufficiency.	Emphasis is on social exclusion.
Food	Did you have enough? Quantity important.	Did you like it? Quality important.	Was it presented well? Presentation important.
Clothing Value	Individual style and expression of personality.	Its quality and acceptance into norm of middle class life, label is important.	Its artistic sense and expression. Designer important.
Time	Present is most important, decision based on survival and emotion.	Future is most important, decision based on future ramifications.	Tradition and history most important, Decision based partly on tradition and decorum.
Education	valued, revered as abstract not realty.	Crucial for climbing ladder of success.	Necessary tradition for making connections.
Destiny	Believe in fate, can do little to mitigate chance.	Believe in choice, can change future with good choices.	Noblesse oblige.
Language	Casual register, about survival	Formal register, about negotiation.	Formal register, about networking.
Family Structure	Tends to be matriarchal.	Tends to be patriarchal.	Depends on who has money.
World View	World is local setting.	World is national setting.	World is international setting.
Love, acceptance	Conditional, depends on whether one is liked.	Conditional and based on achievement.	Conditional and related to social standing and connections.
Driving Forces	Survival, relationships, entertainment.	Work, achievement.	Financial, political social connections.
Humor	people and sex.	Situations.	Social faux pas.

The bottom line
The primary motivation for successfully moving out of poverty for adults or students lies in positive relationships. In order to provide opportunity for personal growth in this manner an organization must find ways to establish and nurture positive personal relationships. 

It will be very difficult for the people in the organization who desire to help to acknowledge the values/rules of the persons who are seeking help to change without validating them. It will be difficult for those seeking help to place trust in you. Your own rules work against your desire to help or be helped. All your rules work against helping. Only time provides change.

Your motivation to help referring to the four major criteria for change, is your decision that the situation of poverty in others is no longer acceptable for you to survive spiritually. It is your only motivation to suspend judgment of the other and take the time to establish trust that leads to a willingness of the person to adopt your role model. 

When you take that step and fully immerse yourself in helping others, your life will change. You will no longer see the world the way you did before you took the leap of faith and began building a solid positive relationship with someone who cries for help to change.

The next posts will describe an actual process implementing these ideas in Chattanooga that successfully moves people out of homelessness and impoverished existence by focusing on the difference in vocation to which the Lord calls us all, and employment that provides the wherewithal to accomplish our vocation.